Tired

Too many stressful situations all happening at once. Too many problems with the world, none that I can fix. I'm tired of having to do everything. I'm tired of having to conform to the wishes of my parents. IF I WANT TO SEE MY GIRLFRIEND ON FRIDAY I SHOULD BE ABLE TO. I don't care if my mom has work that she's tired from. She got all pissed because I wouldn't let her change the day Nichole came over to Saturday, even though Nichole said she could drive both ways. So because she was pissed I couldn't go anywhere Saturday even though it would have been beneficial to both me and my mom (I would have gotten to swim and she would have gotten an air conditioned car ride for an hour). And just a bit ago I learned/realized I probably won't be able to see Nichole for a month. I still haven't asked yet, but by the way she reacted to me insisting on Friday last time, I doubt she'll let me see Nichole before then. Damn vacations. I'd have a happier time being here, within driving distance of Nichole, than all the way 3000 miles away. I am tired of dealing with all of this crap. I wish I could just stop time for long enough to sort it all out in my head. But time keeps going. Keeps adding to the pile.

Damn that blog entry has no form. Sorry about that. I'm going to blame it on the heat. I'm going slowly insane and Nichole, you have a front row seat. :P

Sick?

I don't feel so good. My gut aches pretty bad. It's probably that thing... you know, where you have nobody to talk to? Loneliness? Yeah. That. I've got it pretty bad. It seems like everybody's against me... or with me... Hell I don't even know what side I'm on. I'm so confused. Or maybe it's all just the processed-to-hell-mini-frozen-pizza I just had.

Surprise

The other day I heard from Nichole something that surprised me. I can't remember her exact words but in effect she said that she doesn't believe she's done anything good for me. She actually thinks she is a horrible girlfriend. I'll admit, she does have her faults, but that's no reason to believe that she's all bad. She's not alone in the thought, though. In fact, I don't think I could find a single person who sees her the way I do. Why is that? Am I just blinded by my love? I can't believe that. There must be some other logical explanation. It seems though, that no matter what she does, it's not enough to make me stop loving her. Part of it's because I know that she loves me. I know that she doesn't want to hurt me. I see past her mistakes. I see her successes. I see all the times she's made me very happy. I also have something nobody else seems to have. I have hope. I know it can't go on forever. Eventually she will have the willpower to resist temptation. Nobody else seems to have much faith in her. But I do. I just hope she's learned from those mistakes that everyone is condemning her for. If she hasn't, her next boyfriend had better be more patient than even I, for her sake.

Regret Much?

Okay, that title is a bit misleading. It is not I who regret or who even will regret. I belive it is Nichole who will regret one thing or another if she continues on her current path. For you see, if and when we break up, that will be the end. With me a breakup is forever. There's no going back after that. I definately don't want to lose her. If it happens, though, I'll have no regrets. I've done all I can to try to prevent it. I just hope it's enough. :-
I love you, Nichole.