Apologies and sorrow

We got into a fight yesterday. Not an all out fight, they never, but as close to a fight as I will ever allow. I tried to apologize, multiple times. I know it was my fault. All of our fights are. I am to mellow to start them myself. Anyway, she got upset at something I said. I tried to make her jealous. It seems so stupid now, but I used to do it a lot. I used to use it as , I guess, a simple test of her feelings for me. Just by transferring my attention away from her and onto something (not necessarily someone) else, I can see how much she cares for me. In hindsight, it isn't the best way to figure it out, but it had other purposes as well. She gets jealous so easily. I used to sort of satirize her strong reactions. She has to trust that I don't actually mean it... God, what am I saying? I shouldn't require her to do anything. If I don't want that reaction, the solution is as simple as not making her jealous.
I promised I would never do it (purposefully) again. But she doesn't believe me. She never does. I apologized like twelve times yesterday, not including the times I asked others to apologize for me.She finally implied that I should stop, but I don't think she actually believes I am sorry.
We haven't talked all day. I am incredibly lonely. I have nobody... I am sorry, Nichole. I will never do it again. I promise. I swear. I...

P.S. A few things:
1. She did talk. I think more because she was feeling sad than because she actually wanted to talk to me.
2. Her boyfriend is an idiot. He needs to learn empathy and understand when someone is trying to help and when somebody is trying to steal his girlfriend.
3. I would rather she be upset and not talk to me because of something I did, rather than because of something I apologized for and promised never to do again.

P.P.S.
My dad got laid off, my brother wrecked his car, and the sushi bar I liked changed ownership. What a wonderful day.