Day... shit... um...Fourteen.. Yah
I have to admit, I'm curious. I wonder what is going through her mind. I am interested in knowing what views she has on the future. I want very much for her to be happy.I'm afraid of the possibility of me doing things because I want them instead of because she or even we want them. I don't want to get in the way of anything she chooses. In fact I avoid telling her things that may have that possibility. So many thoughts, feelings, developments... so many things I could tell her but I don't.
Is this the way I give up? I'm curious as to how this works. Is it a few things here and a few things there until we don't talk at all? Where's the line between giving her the freedom that she deserves and giving up on the relationship?And would the latter be so bad? Maybe that's what she wants. Maybe she's wanted it for a while and has been postponing it. Maybe she's to afraid and wants me to. Maybe she wants to wait to do it until after I pass my classes so it won't affect my school work.
Maybe... I could go crazy with maybes... They get me nowhere. I like to think of them though. Odds are, by the end, one or more of the "maybes" I've thought up will be right. And then a minor plan I've created for that "maybe" will make it easier to deal with...
Many of these minor plans amount to the same thing. I see two major ones... The first seems to be similar to what I'm doing now. I do nothing. I slowly stop talking to her, making stupid excuses to myself to hide the real reason. Then we break up. It's not so hard then because, with the lack of communication, it's like we already did long before it was official. The second is more difficult. Something is always harder than nothing. I would have to try very hard to keep up communication. Steer away from the topics that cause long silences. Tell her anything and everything to keep her talking. I would have to do things myself and others might regard as "clingy" or "selfish"...
I wish there was a third option. No. Ignore that, Nichole. I don't need you feeling sorry for me or worrying about me. Then you'll go and do something stupid. Or maybe not stupid but just for stupid reasons. Either way it's bad. No. :P
Is this the way I give up? I'm curious as to how this works. Is it a few things here and a few things there until we don't talk at all? Where's the line between giving her the freedom that she deserves and giving up on the relationship?And would the latter be so bad? Maybe that's what she wants. Maybe she's wanted it for a while and has been postponing it. Maybe she's to afraid and wants me to. Maybe she wants to wait to do it until after I pass my classes so it won't affect my school work.
Maybe... I could go crazy with maybes... They get me nowhere. I like to think of them though. Odds are, by the end, one or more of the "maybes" I've thought up will be right. And then a minor plan I've created for that "maybe" will make it easier to deal with...
Many of these minor plans amount to the same thing. I see two major ones... The first seems to be similar to what I'm doing now. I do nothing. I slowly stop talking to her, making stupid excuses to myself to hide the real reason. Then we break up. It's not so hard then because, with the lack of communication, it's like we already did long before it was official. The second is more difficult. Something is always harder than nothing. I would have to try very hard to keep up communication. Steer away from the topics that cause long silences. Tell her anything and everything to keep her talking. I would have to do things myself and others might regard as "clingy" or "selfish"...
I wish there was a third option. No. Ignore that, Nichole. I don't need you feeling sorry for me or worrying about me. Then you'll go and do something stupid. Or maybe not stupid but just for stupid reasons. Either way it's bad. No. :P
posted by 3nvy at 7:17 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home