Choices

What is it called when you lose all will to go on? The only thing that keeps people in this country going is the ilusion of free choice. But that's all it is, an illusion. If you make enough choices that certain influencial members of society belive are wrong, you will see just how fake it is. Those people take away the illusion and make all the choices for you in the pretence of it being "for your own good". It amazes me, sometimes, how few things hold a person together. A few of them get severed and the individual no longer cares what happens. Choice.. is not the problem, Neo. It is the source of all human want. If there are no choices, then there is no want. No matter how hard they try, though, they cannot take everything away. I always have some basic choices. And what if I choose to give up?
There is only one thing in this world keeping me from giving up... Why does she have such faith in me? Take the ten classes you need, she says. You can do it, she says. How does she trust my ability so much that it surpasses even my own? With just a few words she makes me feel as if I can do it. And it makes me feel that much worse for having hurt her. Nothing I do can make this up to her. For all the pain and suffering I've caused and all the pain and suffering still to come. For all her help and all her faith. I do hope that I will have the chance to show her how sorry I am for all of this and attempt to repay her. I don't think she'l ever know exactly how grateful I am to have her, how much I love her.
Eight months. Five if I'm lucky. I hope to still have you when this is all over. I love you, Nichole. So much.